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 Subject :Re: Guidance through the wilderness..
2017-03-24 07:53:22 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Guidance through the wilderness

Hi Dee

You so right when you say it's like being in the wilderness. Having to deal with addiction is already difficult and when you have no support from family it makes it ten times worse.

 

Initially I dealt with the it in isolation, feeling ashamed of the problem. When I finally started sharing with people, I felt judged and received advice from friends that seemed inappropriate and things felt unwilling or incapable of implementing. All this did was increase my loneliness and feelings of desperation.

 

When I discovered Nar-Anon, it all changed. Here I found people with similar problems, who understood my issues, shared relevant information and never gave me advice but shared how they dealt with similar issues, allowing me to build my own strength in my own time while always giving me hope that things will get better.

 

Stay positive. NO problem lasts forever but please help yourself by getting to your nearest Nar-Anon Support Group meeting. I got all my help there and today my life with the addict has turned for the better in so many ways.

 

Stay strong, Be patient, Find Help at Nar-Anon

 

Check out the meeting list. Hope you can find a group near to you. If not, keep sharing your story and trust others will be able to assist.

 

Joe

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 Subject :Re: Guidance through the wilderness..
2017-03-23 06:15:00 
Admin
Senior
Joined: 2009-01-24 07:20:07
Posts: 33
Location: Western Cape
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Guidance through the wilderness

Hi Dee19.

In the few words you shared, I sense your pain. All of us who share this platform have at one point or another been in exactly the same position. Fate guided me to find this Nar-Anon Support Group Meetings and today my life has dramatically changed.

In Nar-Anon I rediscovered the importance of focusing on myself and my recovery from the affects of the addicts addiction and to never lose hope that someday things will change for the better.

My recovery was a slow process but at every meeting I attended, that life changing message had a positive effect that I felt daily when applying the program in my life.

You have started your recovery by reaching out. Although you have not shared where you at, please find your way to the nearest Nar-Anon meeting. Our complete meeting list is on our website under the main menu.

Meeting attendance is free and managed by members who have all walked this path and found serenity and peace through applying the Nar-Anon program. I encourage you to find your way to your recovery through our support group meetings.

If meeting attendance is not possible, then sharing your story on this forum is another option you might consider. We trust members will be ale to share some of their positive experience, strength and hope in recovery you may find of assistance.

We welcome you to the Nar-Anon family.

Admin

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'The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve' Albert Schweitzer
 Subject :Guidance through the wilderness..
2017-03-22 19:37:46 
Dee19
Junior
Joined: 2015-09-16 11:56:20
Posts: 1
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Guidance through the wilderness

Hi,

I've been with my addict for 8yrs now and it's been a long and painful struggle, he's been in recovery for 8months now which is wonderful, but our marriage is knocking on deaths door. I'm not sure I have any fight left in me. We have kids who will suffer more from our divorce, they love him so much, he is a very good dad, involved and hands on, they've been a big part of why it hasn't happened yet.

I'm just so unhappy and alone, I don't know what more to do.

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 Subject :Re: stash found..
2017-03-09 08:56:34 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : stash found

Hi Van Zyl.

In my experience with the addict in my life, I too discovered lying to be the go too response as soon as I confronted him about something. Once the first lie was exposed, I thought I was getting the truth, but the only thing I received was a variation of the first lie.

I remained in turmoil because my expectations remained unfulfilled and did not know how to manage this situation.

I started attending Nar-Anon meetings and slowly learnt the value of tempering my responses to the addict, remaining in control of myself during interactions with the addict.

It took a while for the guidance to take hold, but once I started to apply the principals of the program, my serenity definitely improved. Today my addict is in long term recovery and our relationship is fantastic, so much so I sometimes have to remind myself of the dark days as they seem so impossible to believe.

My only advice is to try attend Nar-Anon as the support you get at these Family Support Group meetings are invaluable in understanding the role you play in living with an addicted loved one.

Take action. Have courage. Be patient.

Joe

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 Subject :stash found..
2017-03-07 12:57:50 
Junior
Joined
Posts: 0
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : stash found

my husband was on c****** meth for years, but assured me that he stopped a few years ago, at that stage we were already together, but my eldest daughter found his stash, and he lied himself out of it. what i found strange thinking back, is that he never had any withdrawal symptoms of any sorts, but his behavior changed drastically about 4 months ago, and then i started suspecting that he might be using again, only in much higher dosages. i asked him last week, because he has been very irrationally, and he said "of course not" and stormed out. he doesn't sleep for days on end, "working" straight through the night (he is in IT), some times 2 nights in a row, and still go to the office in the mornings. because meth is an upper, he constantly takes 2-3 sleeping tablets and tranquilizers, and still can't sleep. i was looking through his stuff on sunday night, because i simply KNEW that there had to be something, and i found it, my heart sank, and i don't know how to confront him, he is a wonderful man, and i desperately want to help him. he spent all of sunday night, frantically looking for it, throwing stuff around and talking to himself, thinking that i was fast asleep, at 4:00 he woke me up, asking about a log in code that he had lost in a certain brown bag... this gave him away immediately, because that was exactly what he put the meth in. i hid it as proof, but don't know if i should present it when i speak to him or what. how do i start, what do i say? i refuse to live like this with all the lies, but i love him dearly, and want him to get well

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 Subject :Re: I am lost..
2017-02-16 09:26:42 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : I am lost

Hi Jeannie

 

Sympathise with your struggles. Never had to deal with my addict in such a situation. Very glad to hear you attending meetings. That is where I continue to find the strength to deal with improving my life and staying focused on my recovery.

 

The program taught me to be mindful of setting boundaries regarding my interactions with my addict. One of them is regarding the importance of insisting he take appropriate action in seeking assistance for himself through attending NA support group meetings, or seeking other options if the former is unavailable through professional help, or at a suitable rehab if that is an affordable option.

 

Through my experience with my addict, I found self medication in trying to "go it alone" not an option that should be entertained. If I assisted my addict on such a path, I would have entered an area I had no experience in. Could eventually lead to more enabling behaviour and mixed messages.

 

Stick to seeking support for yourself.

 

Strength, Patience, Courage

 

Joe.

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 Subject :I am lost..
2017-02-15 18:21:11 
JeannieG
Junior
Joined: 2016-12-15 14:19:53
Posts: 2
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : I am lost

I am trying to keep myself sane. I am attending meetings and am starting therapy Thursday.

My husband is addicted to Kratom. He hasn't done any in 8 days and is in a lot of pain.

He won't get help. He won't go to rehab or even a doctor!

He cries, threatens suicide. Asks for my permission to do "just a little" to take away his pain.

I don't want to leave, I want to help him.

He doesn't want to help himself.

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 Subject :Re: 12 Steps for Loved Ones..
2016-12-21 17:54:30 
Admin
Senior
Joined: 2009-01-24 07:20:07
Posts: 33
Location: Western Cape
Forum : Steps & Traditions
Topic : 12 Steps for Loved Ones

1) Click on "Discussion Forum"

2) Decide on which Forum is appropriate, i.e. "First Aid" (Help on a specific personal issue), or "Open Forum" (General query), or Coffee Anyone" (Topic with community interest) etc. and click on appropriate "Forums" heading.

Click on "NEWTOPIC" and voila.

Rest I think you already familiar with.

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'The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve' Albert Schweitzer
 Subject :Re: 12 Steps for Loved Ones..
2016-12-20 13:36:02 
JeannieG
Junior
Joined: 2016-12-15 14:19:53
Posts: 2
Location
Forum : Steps & Traditions
Topic : 12 Steps for Loved Ones

I want to start a new post but can only figure out how to reply!!

HELP !!

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 Subject :Re: 12 Steps for Loved Ones..
2016-11-27 16:16:52 
yusuf
Veteran
Joined: 2009-04-13 16:39:19
Posts: 92
Location: Western Cape
Forum : Steps & Traditions
Topic : 12 Steps for Loved Ones

Hi Rox. Are you referring to this?

THE TWELVE STEPS OF NAR-ANON FAMILY GROUPS

1. We admitted we were powerless over the addict – that

our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves

could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the

care of God as we understood Him.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of

ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human

being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects

of character.

7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became

willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible

except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were

wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our

conscious contact with God as we understood Him,

praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the

power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these

steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to

practice these principles in all our affairs.

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 Subject :12 Steps for Loved Ones..
2016-11-26 22:31:46 
Roxfox27
Junior
Joined: 2016-11-26 21:25:15
Posts: 1
Location
Forum : Steps & Traditions
Topic : 12 Steps for Loved Ones

Hi there.

 

Does anyone know where I can get the 12 steps break down for loved ones of an addict for our own recovery?

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 Subject :Re: urine tests..
2016-09-22 17:08:15 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : urine tests

Hi Me.

Unfortunately I cannot add any experience to urine tests.

What I will say is before I started to attend Nar-Anon support Group Meetings, I too wanted certainty on the addicts sobriety through testing. I bought a test unit and never got to using it.

While attending meetings, the focus became less on the addicts doings and more on what I need to do to regain my own serenity. Needless to say I always considered the two as inseparable, so desperately wanted him to NOT USE. But the more I focused on the things in my power to control, i.e. my own actions, the less I tried to control the addict and the more I could release him to take responsibility for his actions while supporting him with love.

I started changing my behaviour and the more I did that, the better my communication with the addict became, the more improved our interactions were and the more our relationship grew. And the more of a positive influence I had.

I learnt in Nar-Anon it all starts with me and I've come to believe strongly in that.

My addict today in on long term recovery and it was all due to my Higher Power guiding me to these Nar-Anon meetings.

Hope you have one near you. If not, you always welcome to share on this site and allow others to share their experience, strength and hope.

Strength, Patience, Perseverance.

Joe

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 Subject :urine tests..
2016-09-22 14:32:42 
me
Junior
Joined: 2016-09-21 10:17:33
Posts: 1
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : urine tests

hi there

I just have a question is it possible for a urine test to give a false reading I did 2 tests they both showed positive for 2 drugs and then 2 hours later a very very faint 2nd line appeared to make the result negative.It was the c****est test I'm just checking to see if any of you have incountered this

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 Subject :Re: Advise needed..
2016-08-26 04:12:12 
Junior
Joined
Posts: 0
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Still Trying to Post...





My son is on drugs. He is married and has children. His wife wants to put him out of the house. Is this a good thing?


I think it's a bad decision. If YOUR son need help.

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 Subject :Re: Re: Positive Thinking..
2016-08-26 04:03:48 
Junior
Joined
Posts: 0
Location
Forum : First Aid
Topic : Positive Thinking





Love being positive.


I also like being positive :) Continue the good work!

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 Subject :Re: Losing hope in my future.....
2016-08-08 06:24:51 
Charles
Junior
Joined: 2016-07-11 05:22:24
Posts: 1
Location: Cape Town
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Losing hope in my future...

Dear Heather4Now

I am so sorry to hear of the challenge and pain you are enduring. My heart goes out to you and your child.

My advice to you is to find a Nar-Anon meeting you can visit (using Meeting List on this site) and make every effort to get there. My belief is that you will find the hope and support there to help you through this journey of recovery from your fiances addiction.

The journey may not be an easy one but it can be done. Many who have chosen this path to recovery will confirm that.

I wish you all the best. Never give up hope.

 

 

 

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 Subject :Re: Half-way House???..
2016-06-03 09:36:04 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Half-way House???

Hi Harley.

So glad you have found assistance for yourself at a Nar-Anon meeting. Not sure of any halfway houses, however want to strongly suggest you request he attend NA meeting every day if possible.

When my son came from rehab, we did not have the option of moving to another area. He got exposed to the 12 Steps in rehab and we had been attending Nar-Anon for 2 months before his release. We both understood the program and sat down to agree on boundaries whereby he was more than willing to distance himself from old friends, guard against attending old hangouts AND to attend NA as part of his commitment to maintaining his serenity.

Although he found doing 90 in 90 too difficult (many addicts try to to 90 meetings in 90 days at the beginning to kick start developing positive habits) he was more than willing to do 5 in 7. We agreed to maintain those boundaries for 6 months and it became the foundation on which the tools for his recovery was based.

Sorry I cannot assist with info on half was houses. I would suggest speaking to rehabs if you still need info. They should know but I believe NA is a great start.

Always remain hopeful.

Joe.

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 Subject :Half-way House???..
2016-05-31 21:06:47 
Harley
Junior
Joined: 2016-04-27 18:27:38
Posts: 1
Location: Cape Town
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : Half-way House???

The addict in my life is my brother. He's currently in rehab and doing it for himself this time. Yes, sadly this isn't the first time. But I think he’s finally hit that rock bottom and I’d like to believe him this time. I've also been to 2 Nar Anon meetings and found it most insightful. Looking forward to my next one. Anyway, he is coming out within the next few days and really doesn’t want to go back to where he’s been staying because of various reasons. And I don’t blame him. As it’s very short notice, I was wondering if anyone had any info on affordable half-way houses in Cape Town where he could go in the interim please. Many thanks.

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 Subject :Re: On my own..
2016-05-31 19:02:59 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : On my own

Welcome. I'm in the WC, so don't know Randburg from Westrand and whatsnot. Have you check the downloadable meeting list or the Calendar for the meetings in the area?

Hope there's something near you.

Warm regards

J

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 Subject :Re: On my own..
2016-05-31 12:02:42 
Mary2
Junior
Joined: 2016-05-30 08:41:30
Posts: 2
Location
Forum : Open Forum
Topic : On my own

Thank you for your reply Joe.  I do want to go to meetings, but I cannot seem to find one close to me in Randburg.

 

 

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