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 Subject :New to the group, and really need some guidance.$..
2015-08-28 15:21:42 
HopeMom
Junior
Joined: 2015-08-28 13:05:05
Posts: 1
Location

Hi

I am new to the forum and would like to introduce myself.

My son is bipolar and has been in rehab and various psych wards over the last five years. As a family, we try to support him but his is very destructive not only towards himself but also towards his siblings and myself. He is 21 now and living in a commune that we pay for. He had a job and was studying towards a trade, but about a month ago he resigned and told us that he doesn't want to do a trade anymore. He also stopped taking his medication and has become very hostile and aggressive again. In the past, he tried to kill his sister and has hit me on a few occasions.

Spending any time with him is frankly horrible, he blames me for absolutely everything. He is angry because we are not as involved in his life as he wants us to be. Unfortunately when we do spend time with him, he complains about how his drug abuse is our fault, how we don't support him, etc.

And to be honest, I am emotionally depleted, I have a teenage daughter, a husband that works all hours god sends, a job, and I am studying. I just don't have the energy for his negative attitude. I am at a loss because I am worried that if I tell him enough is enough, that he will do something stupid - we have a long history of suicide attempts, etc.

Has anyone else been in this situation? What do I do?

 

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$$..
2015-08-29 21:04:41 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location

Hi Hopemom

Thanx for using the forum to share your story. I am pressed for time right now and cannot give you a more detailed reply. But wish to reach out with an understanding voice.

My son is an addict in recovery, and although my situation was not exactly similar, yours does nonetheless resonate with much of what I experienced.

Wish you could be near to a Nar-Anon meeting, as that is where the best support can be accessed. However, this forum remain a place where people can share and learn from others experience.

Keep the faith and remain positive that things will improve.

I will endeavour to share more of my experience when I have more time in the next day or two.

Remain forever patient

Joe.

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$$..
2015-09-14 14:45:38 
robyn
Junior
Joined: 2015-09-14 12:07:31
Posts: 1
Location: Johannesburg

Hi

I am Robyn, i am new to the group.

I have a 21 year old brother who has been on hard drugs since the age of 15. He recently moved in with me and i can see that he is trying to change his life but he is really depressed and refuses to speak. He has been through a lot and he never speaks out instead he attempts suicide, this has happened twice. I am a 25 year old female and i dont know much about drugs and the danger of it but i can see that my brother is suffering from addiction and i want to help him. Where do i start?

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$$..
2015-09-14 21:47:57 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location

Hi Robyn.

Welcome to the site. The start to your recovery is through this attempt to come out and find assistance for yourself from the effects of the addiction of someone close to you.

I too have walked that unhappy road with the addict in my life and as much as life seemed one endless dark tunnel, as soon as I found the support groups of Nar-Anon, I consistently received the support of hope and in time things improved markedly.

It took time and longer than my initial impatience could bare, but through perseverance in attending meetings, in time I was able to make the required changes in my life that positively influenced the addict to start taking responsibility for his.

Nar-Anon's primary support is accessed through attending Nar-Anon Group meetings. These support group meetings for families and friends of addicts are free and manned by volunteers and members who are all experiencing in various degree the pain, the hurt and suffering of the affects of another's addiction.

I see you are in Joburg. There are meetings in the area. Please refer to the Main Menue and check out the Meetings List for the closest meeting to you. Or follow the Calendar link via our Meetings icon in the Top Menu.

Remember, you remain free to use this platform whether you manage to attend a meeting or not.

Stay positive and believe things will change. No problem ever lasts forever, however it does require us to initiate the change we wish to see.

Stay Positive

Joe.

 

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$$..
2015-10-13 17:56:01 
mimi
Junior
Joined: 2015-10-13 15:18:07
Posts: 1
Location: JHB

Hi, I only found out on Thursday that my boyfriend of one year is a long time drug and sex addict. Even his family had no idea he was hiding this secret. Besides the obvious shock, anger and disbelief I am also really worried about my own situation now and what he might have knowingly passed on to me. I am totally distraught by this as I honestly loved him and we had planned a future together. Now there is nothing left of that relationship except a pack of lies. I have not stopped crying since I found out.

I don't understand this idea of 12 steps... what is the goal? How do I help him realize he has a self destructive nature and that it is hurting those around him? I have never before come into contact with drugs of any kind so I don't even understand the mechanics of it. Is there a chance he can actually do something about his behaviour and how do I help him to do that? My relationship with him was over the minute I found out but I still care for him and want to get him on the road to recovery at least .

What now?

Mimi

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$$..
2015-10-19 19:29:17 
Pinkfaery
Junior
Joined: 2015-10-19 16:29:37
Posts: 1
Location: Hofmeyr, Eastern Cape

Hi! Im also new in this forum.  My son (28) went to a rehab in February this year. He has relapsed so many times before and only went to a rehab this year. After 3 weeks in the rehab, he came out and moved in with a friend of mine. Then he got a job with a friend of my friend. Two weeks ago he relapsed.  On Saturday my friend walked into his room and overheard him talking to a supplier - he is on meth/tik. She confronted him and threw him out of her house. He slept behind a shop Saturday and Sunday night. He now has no job/accomodation. Apart from my friend and his employer, he knows only the drug suppliers. The closest group is 250 km from me. Ever since I heard what happened on Saturday, I cant stop crying. Im really at my wits end. What next? Is he going to the dealers for survival? Suicide? I dont know.....

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$..
2016-05-04 22:11:16 
chantelle2
Junior
Joined: 2016-05-04 19:38:03
Posts: 1
Location

Hi my name is Chantelle I have recently found out my 20 year old brother has been using ketamine for 6 years on and off. I am still kind of shocked I am also angry very very angry. His is 10 years younger than me and I have always done everything for him including denying his problems believing him when he said drugs weren't a problem. How silly am I since I have found out I have been looking for help for him my mind doesn't stop working and wondering how to help him because if I don't help him how will he help himself. I have this personality where I put everything that's happening in my family on myself like if I could I would take it away and carry this disease he has for him. The only spark I have is a programme he actually found called Reach we did our introduction week on Tuesday and it was great I thought it went well I am his supporter I will be required to do the 1 year programme with him. However I can't help but ask myself will he do it. Will next week Tuesday come and will he refuse to go he is incredibly depressed I wish I could take it away from him the depression the tears the sadness in his eyes the torture and torment. Next week we have to set boundaries and consequences should he fail to follow the boundaries I set and for the life of me I don't know what to say I'm scared he hates me if I'm to hard I'm terrified that if we fail in this programme will I be blamed for his relapse if he kills himself will my mom and step dad not have a reason to blame me. If he is gone how do I live with myself. I have to small sons and when I look at my mother I wonder how will I manage if it's my sons doing this when they are older how do I keep my children grounded. Every night I pray for strength for him and for myself I pray for my children's future. And then I wonder how one person can be so selfish as to destroy his whole family like this. I pray for Reach to help him every second of everyday. I know I'm all over the place I just wanted to share my situation and maybe someone else out there feels the same as I do. He has told me I don't understand what he is going through how depressed he is how messed up his mind is and I don't understand because I have never taken a drug unless prescribed for an illness I don't know what it's like for him. But he doesn't know what it's like for me or our family

 

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 Subject :Re: New to the group, and really need some guidance.$..
2016-05-09 22:54:48 
Joe
Senior
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32
Location

Hi Chantelle2

When first confronted with the addiction problem of a loved one, it does come as a great shock. I wish I could tell you this is easy to resolve, or that you over the worst, or that it can only get better. The reality is that the disease of addiction in my experience with my son was a hard and arduous road to travel.

I too was completely lost when we originally discovered my sons addiction, and it was only through attending Nar-Anon support group meetings that I was able to understand the role I play in his addiction and make the decisions that would allow him the freedom to take responsibility for the decisions only he can make to take control of his life.

I cannot advise you regarding the Reach Program as I am not familiar with it. What I do know is that a great support system for addicts do exist through NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and by attending these meeting (free) the addict can find the support they need to come into recovery.

You are concerned about his willingness to attend the Reach meeting regularly. I completely understand your concern as I too in the early days lost much sleep living in the future. What has not happened should not be our focus. But living in the moment is not an easy lesson to learn or apply in these circumstances.

My son blamed me for all his ills and caused me immense agony living in the reality of having failed him. It took me a long time while attending Nar-Anon support Group meetings to see his lack of wanting that to take responsibility for his failures and it was easy for him to blame someone else (me) for all his ills. It was in understanding this process that I was able to lift his monkey off my back and strengthen myself emotionally.

You have shared much and I cannot address all your concerns in one reply but ... I will strongly advise you to find the nearest Nar-Anon Group Meeting (Free) in your area and attend as many and as often as you can. Check out the meting list on this site.

Advise you brother to attend NA (if Reach work for him then so be it) but where I see value in Nar-Anon and NA is that both programs use the same 12 Step Program and you will thus be able to walk parallel paths through your journey of discovery in seeking serenity and peace in your life.

The program has worked for me as it has worked for many others and today my son is in long term recovery and we have developed a very special relationship indeed.

Always maintain hope that things will change.

Joe

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