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 Subject :Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-10-18 18:34:02 
Josef
Senior
Joined: 2010-10-06 13:25:58
Posts: 44
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
 

I joined NarAnon in May 2010 and went to observe an NA open meeting recently. It was heartwarming to see how the addicts encourage eachother and how they draw strenght at their meetings. I could not help noticing though that NarAnon meetings attracts  much smaller crowds. This makes me sad because the addict in my life gladly shares how our relationship has improved since I go to NarAnon meetings. How great would it be if every NA member had a family member or friend in NarAnon. Personally I will approach as many families and friends of addicts as I can find to join NarAnon. If we all do that, our meetings will grow and we all know how good that will be. LET'S MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER

Jürgen

 

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Josef
 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-10-19 20:28:44 
Junior
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Hi. Can't agree with you more. Had the exact same reaction with my addict. Our relationship had grown so much since I've been in the program. Do you perhaps think there could be some truth in that some believe that addiction is solely the addicts problem and "they" must "sort themselves out then it will all be ok" type of thinking?  I many times get this response!  Now that I think of it, I must admit I thought the same way before coming to Nar-Anon; even while I was in it at the beginning.

It is so true that addiction is a "family problem" or illness. We were all sick, from worrying about the addict; from concern for our well being; for the breakdown in our relationships; for the pain and suffering we endured; for the anger and hatred that overcame us; for the sleepless nights; from the loss of valuables, money and all else; and so on and so on. If you think long enough you can write a book on all the ills we suffered. And yet we believed we could sit one side and it will all come right "if only the addict will recover" AND we believed "in isolation".

I have come to believe that it is the acknowledgment, even if only felt subconsciously by the addict, that we are attempting to make an effort to understand their struggles.  Although we never condone their actions, we can still find and show love for the addict while being unacceptant of their behaviour.

 

Thanks for sharing your thoughts my friend. I too, wish we could make the circle bigger.

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-10-23 20:09:00 
Junior
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Hear hear guys,

Do you guys ever listen to Cape Talk?  Well they are doing this Lead SA campaign and they talk about the Butterfly Effect.  Basically it is that each and every person has a cirlce of influence some big, some small. The size of influence is irrelevant though.  The idea essentially is that each person can affect another in their circle of influence. So if each person does something good, and another person does something good and so on then we make the circle bigger just by what we do by individual acts of goodness.  

So I am all for MAKING THAT CIRCLE BIGGER. For me just by sharing at meetings or sharing with my neighbours, friends and family is making that circle bigger.

So here is to keeping the circle going. I thnk there is a saying that goes: Its small acts of kindness that can make the most difference.

Be well

Mary

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-10-23 23:06:46 
yusuf
Veteran
Joined: 2009-04-13 16:39:19
Posts: 92
Location: Western Cape

What a Convention,Mini or otherwise. What a fantastic event. What a massive "pick me upper". What an amazing spirit. What outstanding growth.What beautiful people. What fantastic support. What a last share. It's late, so just wanted to get that in before clocking out. Thanx to all those who contributed to the day. The organisers,the venue, the sharers, the coffee, the eats, the hugs, the warmth, the understanding, the ears, the love, the truth, the emotions, the support, the tears and for helping to make the CIRCLE BIGGER. What a circle. What a Mini-Convention. WHOW Breathless. WHAT A FAMILY.

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-10-24 15:53:52 
Josef
Senior
Joined: 2010-10-06 13:25:58
Posts: 44
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
 

After this awsome convention we went home with a feeling of contented exaustion. The exaustion is gone now but the great feeling persists. My addict can't stop rambling about this intense and loving community of NarAnon.

YES! The circle was big and it was strong. Such diversity living such unity. Rainbow Nation in action. Civil society at its best. To me this was an unforgettable experience.

My gratitude goes to all of you for filling this great idea of NarAnon with so much life, truth and purpose.

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Josef
 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-10 17:42:09 
Junior
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Hey Jojobo. Wherefore art thou? You've suddenly gone awol. Tjoep still.  You becoming like the Butterfly, the effect was so great she melted into thin air.

Anyway, I can't wait for the next Mini convention before you again going to say something. Or maybe you healed? Maybe the Mini Convention healed you?  Hmmmm. Must look out for that next year.

Are you healed? No need for any more chatter? Come on my friend, looking forward to some upliftment here. The circle is shrinking.

The J man.

 

 

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-12 23:09:31 
Junior
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Yo J Man,

I agree - waar is Jojoba?  He make the circle then he shrinks it.  Yay Jojoba come back, come back wherever you are. 

You do know Jojoba, that being exposed to active addiction means that we have all developed highly organised investigative skills - so we can hunt you down and find you and bring you back to the Circle ne.

The Butterfly (aka Mary) 

 

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-25 10:02:36 
Junior
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Hi there.

Eish, agree with you. It is laughable when you think of it now, but back then I too developed the 'beagle eye', the 'bloodhound snout', not to mention the seventh sense, ESP, I think I even developed female intuition. Hmmmn ... that's a thought for you, I just discovered something, me think the program developed my feminine side!!!  Whoo hooo.Damn, must be where my male boobs are coming from? Heheheee. Thanx for tickling my laugh button JustCandis.

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-26 11:44:41 
Junior
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Haha haha JustCandis,

Indeed I became a spy of note.... Ian Flemming would need to rewrite the James Bond series.  In fact I think he would have been very proud of my spying abilities - and I went big scale hey...... once almost hired a private investigator ... in fact went as far as phoning one.  Thank the Lord a friend phoned to ask if I wanted to join then for a weekend away and with limited funds I had to make a choice between Frikkie the PI or a weekend at the sea.  I chose the latter.

As I got more into the programme I chose to become more like Marc Lotterings 007.  The one he does with James Bond: From Cape Town with love.  And he starts his show in shadows holding something in his hand (presumably a gun) and then he emerges from the dark into the light with ......wait..... a hairdryer.

So now when the poopoo hits the fan I go to the hairdresser to feel better.

Speak soon Ms Joe and Candiss

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-29 13:21:45 
Bays
Senior
Joined: 2010-02-19 12:08:33
Posts: 49
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HAHAHAHAHA Very funny!

I think of the mission impossible theme song these days when I start on the prowel looking for EVIDNENCE!! I just have to laugh at myself then, I mean what do I really think I'm going to accomplish by catching him doing something naughty, give him a hiding!!! hahaha I can just imagine putting my husband over my lap and smacking him!!

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-11-29 15:03:09 
Junior
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Wow, not even jojobo could ever dream his well meaning request to "make the circle bigger" would lead to snoopers, male bloopers, James Bond, Mark Lottering, teabag squeezers and teazers, finally spankings, kinky or otherwise?

Just be forewarned, actions have a nasty way of inducing equal and opposite reactions. And when one thing lead to another ...

Hoo hoo my mind is racing to places it should not be in. So ...

You are so right, I snooped to prove he was lying, but had no idea what to do with the information once proven. Even when I proved he lied, he came up with even better ones that proved the absolute ludicrousness of the path I was following.  But when I started becoming clean and serene,he found it more difficult to manipulate me.

Just goes to show that once "One Change, All Relationships Change". Nothing can ever be the same. If you change for the better, the results follow your lead.

So Ian Fleming, spending too much time in the beginning of the book. Lets read on and lets reach the light.

The flicker will become a bonfire

Light Awayyyyyyy. 

 

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-01 10:17:06 
Junior
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Looking forward to the light ... after writing my post on COC diaries and then reading this I feel like Im the one that should be bent over and spanked! Undecided These smileys are terrible arent they? They look like confused aliens (hope no-one on here was responsible for making them, like Admin - sorry).  Maybe thats why they are on this forum....yes because Im a confused alien - looking for the light!

What to say I am exhausted from working, playing Sherlock Holmes, trying an AA meeting (lol), realising how pathetic and complicated it all is - I just want to sit here and have coffee right now.

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-01 10:31:20 
Junior
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Haha all,

A good laugh is always good hey - regardless of the poopoo flying about. 

Yo Joe I notice an interesting thread to your thoughts these days, bra's, boobs, teazers and spanking.......hmmmmm. I suppose your wife would need to buy you a feather for Christmans.  To add to your duster of course...... I take it your mind landed in the gutter there again ne.

Hey Candiss glad to see you having coffee.  Good for you.  Don't foget to put your feet up and savour that coffee hey - one sip at a time and hopefully that coffee moments grow longer and longer.

Hey Bays another die hard jester. 

Got this joke from a Naranon member the other day.  Thought I would share it.  Subject was: Tik 

Mavis doen aansoek vir werk. Eienaar vra by die onderhoud :  Het jy tik geneem op skool? Mavis:  Nei jirre Meneer, daai djarre wassit nog net papsak en dagga.

 I thought it was hysterical.  Of course not all would share my sentiments - but this is the cofee moment ne.

Be well yo'all

Mary

 

 

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-05 21:34:47 
Junior
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S.O.S. The J Man calling all agents. Urgent need of assistance. Mind in the gutter. Help. Heheheee.

The comments of some that lead the (innocent?) up the garden path. LOL. Agh, just nice to have a laugh even though the topic is serious.

Good to see some struggling with addictive behaviours taking some 'time out'. Coffee is always a good idea. Coming to Christmas fast, so keep the coffee close. These times have a way of increasing the need for a cuppa.

I'm officially on leave, so might become less active. Always travel with cyberspace close by, so will try to stay active.

Stay Strong, Stay Safe.

Joe

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-07 12:01:15 
Junior
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Hey J man,

You going on leave I see.  Lekker man.  Hope you have a grand time.  More especially I hope you have a serene and peaceful end of year.  Gonna miss you.  Lord who am I going to be innocently leading up the garden path now, hey?

So here is looking at you kid and wishing you all the best during this festive period.  You have been a great cyber buddy - always ready for a smile and a laugh.  Till next year then - unless you are popping in for a coffee now and again.

Be well my friend

Mary 

 

 

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 Subject :A close encounter with my emotions..
2010-12-14 09:26:37 
Josef
Senior
Joined: 2010-10-06 13:25:58
Posts: 44
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
 

My dear friends

I wish to share an experience which has rocked me to the core.

Yesterday I had to realize that my serenity is still only just paper-thin: My recovering addict displayed a behaviour pattern yesterday which immediately made all my alarm-bells ring as it clearly resembled incidents from the time she was still in active addiction. She had phoned me from work and needed an immediate money transfer into her boyfriends (also a recovering addict) account. She would explain details and pay me back when she comes from work. When I fetched her from work I was set on staying calm and collected and voice my fears in a mature fashion.

But it only took one "wrong" word from her to trigger an uncontrolled emotional response from my side. All the things I have learned since I joined Naranon were forgotten and I had relapsed into a behavior which was not helpful at all but only aggrevated the situation: I did not think befor I spoke, I accused, I started shouting and soon we were involved in a circular argument again as sooo many times before "in the dark old days". Obviously there was no resolve but only anger, frustration and hate were the result.

Finally I remembered to step away and cool down before I approached here again. She had calmed as well, obviously concentrating on principles she had learnd in her NA meetings. We made a drug test which turned out negative and only now did she get the opportunity to explain about the money-transfer-thing.

I had made a complete fool of myself. I had been obsessed and ruled by my fears. All the vital tools which were given to me by the NarAnon program were inaccessible at that moment.

I realized that "knowing what to do" and "understanding" can only really be helpful when not confined to my brain but I have to live the principles, I have to practize and train them on a daily basis.

Interlectual understanding is only the very first step on my way to serenity. 6 months of NarAnon meetings have helped me with this first step but it will take many, many more meetings, prayers and meditation to gain real control over my emotions.

Thank you for the meetings and thank you all for being there!

Jürgen

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Josef
 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-15 08:38:51 
Junior
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Hi Jurgen

That is the reason why addiction is called a family illness. The insanity of the disease makes us all sick.

Our program is a slow process. Dont be too hard on yourself.

Glad to see that you could step back and rethink.

Keep coming back and just remember sometimes we need to just take one moment at a time.

Just for today; I will be grateful for the hope Nar-Anon has given me.  I will cultivate my recovery and stop cultivating self-pity.

Be well my friend, you are in my prayers always.

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-15 20:14:44 
Junior
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Hi Jurgen and Twenzle

J - that is how it worked for me too (and truth be told - still does).   I lived in my head for so long, rationalising, intellectualising, thinking, rethinking and then getting lost in the maze of my brain.  Everytime I THOUGHT I had it covered it would kick me in the teeth again.  Until I learned something: This is a simple programme. So keep it simple.  Of course in my MIND - If I THOUGHT it - then I THOUGHT - well - thats how it would work right? And everytime the answer was no. 

It must be lived, felt, tasted, experienced.  Oh Lord was that hard.  It fact it still is sometimes.  But everyday Just one day a time I gave up my habit of trying to THINK it.  In fact everytime I tried to THINK it - I would physically do something to distract myself from THINKING the programme and just letting it be.  In fact for while I just stopped thinking and just be-ing.  Went vegetative for a while there - haha. And then I discovered something.... the Programme lives within me.  The source of all my answers lives within me. For as long as I have a soul I am connected to a Power Greater than me. Therefore the logical answer for me was: When I did not know what to do - instead of THINKING an answer I would hand it over.  When I acted irrationally - I would hand over that as well.  When I could no more - I would hand that over as well.

And when all was said and done - the answer emerged, my way was clear Just for that day. Of course the next day could be different.  But just that day I was free to do. Free to act.  Free to be.  

 I miss you and Twenzle very much and hope to make our meeting next week.  I am attending another meeting with a friend of mine who has just joined the programme.

PS J - I also learned something else - when the path is littered with stones and rocks and when the going is tough. There comes a time when our awareness of our actions hits home.  When this happens - change occurs.  And that is how we learn.  That is when our behaviour shifts.  And that is when the light enters again Just for today....

Hugs, kisses and more hugs to you both.

Mary

PS J I am sure Joe will be so happy you came back to.  I think he was feeling very lonely been the only thorn among the rose.  I think for a moment there he had aspirations of becoming a rose..... all part of the sista hood.  Please come back more often my friend.  After all you and Joes started the coffee circle......

 

 

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-15 20:40:37 
Junior
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Hi Jurgen - Glad to have you back - yes the addict often triggers events and our lives become unmanageable.... often through our own doing.  Dont be too hard on yourself.  If you were not in the program you would not have realised that your behaviour was unacceptable.  You realised that you reacted instead of responded and that to me shows the amount of growth you have already experienced.

We often say that recovery is not a quick fix - that the glue that holds it together is not super glue and it can become unstuck at any moment.  The more we are confronted with our fears, the more certain we can be that we shall become better at dealing with it one day at a time.  It took me many months and for some of us years to shake off our fears - and for many like me - 4 years on, I still sometimes relapse.  Now after all these years I am still weary - I try to shake it off but sometimes, just sometimes a certain behaviour surfaces and I take a few steps back.  However I am eternally grateful for the Nar-Anon program that ensures that my serenity returns fairly quickly.

So be strong and be kind to yourself - we are all human and fallable.  Love yourself and hug your addict - it is not about yesterday but about today.

L

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2010-12-15 20:47:28 
Junior
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Hi Twenzel

Glad to have you back.  is the boss still frozen? Perhaps he should remain in that state so you can come on more regularly.

Today I am grateful for family and friends, for the relationship I have with my children and particularly my addict and his wife.

L.

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