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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2014-03-25 21:39:59 
Joined: 2014-03-25 19:05:12
Posts: 2

Where is everyone??? I used to come onto this site about 2 years ago and there were so many posts to read and people responded, I didn't have internet for a while, but I am back and I have so much to share. Hope full of moving to PE where I can finally go to a Nar Anon meeting!!! If there is anyone out there still logging on or needing support. Please answer me!!!!

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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!..
2014-03-31 14:50:29 
Joined: 2012-09-18 18:31:31
Posts: 32

Hahahaaa.Hi Hadasa.

You ask the question of where everyone went and I laughed as like, you, I suspect many moved on when personal circumstances changed (and I hope) after at least finding some serenity in their lives.

Some old names are still around. Very glad and hope you do manage to get to PE and a meeting. There are some wonderful ladies doing service down there. Met them all already and know they will welcome you like they do everyone with lots of warmth and love and know they will also find value in all your life experience.

So ... love and leave you for now but very glad to hear you back in cyberspace.

Warm regards


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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!$..
2015-06-09 14:54:04 
Joined: 2015-03-12 09:26:33
Posts: 1
Location: Strand

I am a new member.  My 34 year old daughter have been addicted to marijuana since she was 16 and started using oxycodin about a year ago.  She has a 6 year old son.

When she started her recovery she resigned her job and moved in with us.  She was living with a very abusive boyfriend and left him when she became sober about 4 months ago.

I am now at my wits end, because it seems she is planning to move back in with him.  I am so worried that I can't sleep.  I am mostly worried about my little grandson who was also verbally abused by this man.

My daughter believes he has changed because he had some therapy for his anger issues while she was doing her rehab.

What am I to do???  How do I stay out of it??  I need urgent advice.  There is no groups in our area, so I have not joined a group.



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 Subject :Re: Where are all the families??? MAKE THE CIRCLE BIGGER!!!$..
2015-06-21 10:39:23 
Joined: 2009-04-13 16:39:19
Posts: 92
Location: Western Cape

Hi Hanelli

While my son was in active addiction, I found the natural instinct to involve myself in his life overpowering. And each time I did, I caused myself (and him) more unhappiness. Every attempt I made to gain control over what he did to himself came to nothing. And throughout this process I remained completely convinced that I knew what was good for him and found no peace in realising that all my efforts were coming to naught.

When I came to attend Nar-Anon meetings, I came across the First Step in the Nar-Anon 12 Step Program which says, "We admitted we were powerless over the addict – that our lives had become unmanageable." This reading asked me to acknowledge that I do not (as a matter of cause) know what is good for others; to give up trying to control my loved ones; to accept that I cannot expect them to live their lives according to my dictates.

As much as I initially remained unconvinced by what this asked of me, the more I started to pull back and stop interfering in everything he did, the more at peace I became. And ... the more calm (or call it less interfering) I became, the more improved our relationship became. And by no means believe that anything in his life immediately improved, but in time it improved the manner in which I (repeat ... I) communicated my feelings, my wishes, my dreams, my wants for him, to him. I think the more rational I remained, the more rational I sounded?

This process took time but as I attended meetings the acceptance that I was on the right path was strengthened by the reality that our relationship was slowly improving.

Yes, I did attend meetings even when he wasn't, but the positive changes in my life started having an influence on his, both directly and indirectly.

I see you mentioned there are no Nar-Anon meetings in your area. The closest meeting to Strand is in Durbanville or Bellville? I think but I would encourage you to find an Alanon meeting and attend these. Although the addictive substance is different, the addictive behaviour is the same and Alanon also uses the 12 Step Program.

Please try to attend as often as possible.

Wishing you all the best.

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